Rediscovering Your Identity and Letting Go of Comparison Traps in Motherhood with Nellie Harden
If you've ever found yourself scrolling social media and wondering, "Why does motherhood look so much easier for her?" — you’re not alone. In this powerful conversation, I sat down with Nellie Harden, a family life coach and mother of four, to talk about rediscovering your identity in motherhood and learning how to release the constant need to compare yourself to everyone else.
This episode is for the mom who feels a little lost, a little invisible, and is craving permission to reconnect with who she truly is — beyond the diaper changes, sleep schedules, and endless to-do lists.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why so many moms struggle to recognize themselves after having a baby
The ways comparison shows up in motherhood—and how to break free from it
Simple steps to start rediscovering your unique voice, values, and vision (without guilt)
… and a whole lot more!
The Early Mom Years: Identity Crisis in Real Time
Nellie shares that when she first became a mom, she dove headfirst into doing everything “right.” But somewhere along the way, she began to realize that she didn’t know who she was outside of motherhood. Sound familiar? Maybe you’re nodding along, too.
She explains how identity can begin to slip when everything in your day revolves around someone else’s needs — and no one teaches us how to protect our own sense of self while we’re busy nurturing someone else’s life.
What Is Identity, Really?
We talked about how identity is more than just the roles we play — it’s who we are at our core. But when you're overwhelmed, under-supported, and navigating a million unknowns, it’s easy to adopt someone else’s version of what motherhood should look like.
Instead of looking inward, we start looking outward: scrolling Instagram, asking Google, comparing ourselves to every other mom who seems to be doing it “better.” Nellie reminds us that your identity isn’t found in a picture-perfect Pinterest board. It’s something you build by doing the deep inner work of rediscovering your values, your strengths, and your purpose — even in the mess.
The Trap of Comparison
Nellie calls it the “comparison snowball” — it starts small, but it picks up speed fast. One minute you’re admiring another mom’s routine, and the next you’re spiraling into thoughts like:
“I should be doing more.”
“Why can’t I handle things like she does?”
“Maybe I’m just not cut out for this.”
Comparison is sneaky because it often disguises itself as inspiration. But instead of helping you grow, it can rob you of your joy, your confidence, and your presence in your own life.
How to Let Go of Comparison
Nellie offers gentle but practical ways to quiet the noise and come back to you:
Identify your triggers: Notice what content, conversations, or situations leave you feeling “less than.”
Practice discernment: Just because it works for someone else doesn’t mean it’s meant for you.
Create small moments of solitude: Even five minutes a day can reconnect you with your thoughts, your breath, and your voice.
We also talked about the importance of creating intentional identity practices — small, consistent things you do to remember who you are and what you value. That might look like journaling, daily affirmations, or setting boundaries around your time and energy.
Motherhood Doesn’t Erase You — It Expands You
One of my favorite things Nellie said was, “You’re not lost — you’re in the middle of becoming.”
Motherhood doesn’t erase who you are. It’s an invitation to become someone more rooted, more reflective, and more resilient. Yes, things change. But that doesn’t mean you disappear. You’re still there — worthy, whole, and wildly capable.
Your Identity Is Allowed to Evolve
You don’t have to go back to who you were before motherhood. You’re allowed to become someone new — someone softer and stronger, someone with dreams that look different but matter just as much.
Letting go of comparison isn’t a one-time decision. It’s a daily practice of choosing presence over perfection, purpose over pressure, and your voice over the noise.
Connect with Nellie:
Website: https://www.nellieharden.com/
Instagram: @nellie.a.harden
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If you've ever found yourself scrolling social media and wondering, "Why does motherhood look so much easier for her?" — you’re not alone. In this powerful conversation, I sat down with Nellie Harden, a family life coach and mother of four, to talk about rediscovering your identity in motherhood and learning how to release the constant need to compare yourself to everyone else.
This episode is for the mom who feels a little lost, a little invisible, and is craving permission to reconnect with who she truly is — beyond the diaper changes, sleep schedules, and endless to-do lists.
Suddenly, your messy bun, laundry piles, and lukewarm coffee feel like a personal failure.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. In this episode of the podcast, we talked about how easy it is to fall into the comparison trap on social media—and how to get out of it with your confidence and joy intact.
Let’s break down five key ways to protect your peace and build a healthier relationship with your online world.