Why It’s Okay to Feel Both Love and Frustration as a Mom with Dr. Margo Lowy
Motherhood is often painted as a picture-perfect experience — all cuddles, giggles, and Instagram-worthy moments. But the truth? It’s also messy, exhausting, and full of emotions we didn’t expect. In this conversation with Dr. Margo Lowy, author of Maternal Ambivalence: The Loving Moments and Bitter Truths of Mothering, we dive deep into the complexity of mothering: the light, the dark, and everything in between.
In this episode, we talk about:
What maternal ambivalence is and why it matters
How to hold love and struggle at the same time
Common cultural myths that make moms feel guilty
Why talking about the hard parts of motherhood helps moms feel less alone
… and a whole lot more!
Letting Go of Perfection
From the moment we become mothers, many of us set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Dr. Lowy reminds us that our relationship with our baby is their very first relationship — and ours as a mother. Both mother and baby are learning together. This truth should bring freedom, but too often, it adds pressure to “do it perfectly.”
Margo challenges this idea, pointing out that striving for perfection often makes us rigid — and our children pick up on that. Instead, she encourages us to flow more, laugh when we can, and let go of the idea that a late school drop-off or a messy day means we’ve failed.
The Reality of Difficult Emotions
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation was discussing the feelings mothers are rarely allowed to admit — like resentment or even moments of hate. These emotions, Margo explains, don’t mean we’re bad mothers. In fact, the opposite of love isn’t hate — it’s indifference. Feeling a flash of anger or frustration means we’re still engaged and connected.
By naming our feelings instead of repressing them, we can better understand ourselves and our children. Margo encourages mothers to see these emotions as part of the tapestry of motherhood — not something to be ashamed of.
Building a Judgment-Free Support System
Postpartum anxiety and depression are on the rise, especially since the pandemic. Margo and I both believe that one way to combat this is by surrounding ourselves with supportive, non-judgmental people.
Whether that’s a trusted friend, a local mom group, or a safe online community, having a space to be real about your struggles is essential. Margo shares how, decades ago, she found that in a small weekly gathering with other mothers — no social media filters, no judgment, just real conversations.
Lowering the Bar
The biggest takeaway from Margo? Lower the bar. We are our harshest critics, often colluding with the very perfectionist standards we wish to escape. Motherhood is inherently a cycle of making mistakes, repairing, and growing — both for us and for our children.
When we give ourselves grace, we’re more able to extend that grace to our children. And when we embrace the messiness along with the beauty, we free ourselves from impossible standards.
Connect with Dr. Margo Lowy:
>>Head to her website to learn more about her work and her newest book - Maternal Amivalence: The Loving Moments & Bitter Truths of Motherhood
>>Send her a DM on Instagram @drmargolowy
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast:
>> Mothering Through the Darkness: Women Open Up About the Postpartum Experience, Edited By Jessica Smock and Stephanie Sprenger
If you want a compassionate companion through those messy, beautiful, and sometimes overwhelming early days…
Download my free Postpartum Mental Health Toolkit: A Resource Guide for New Moms—— your totally free resource for finding support, clarity, and calm in motherhood.
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Motherhood is often painted as a picture-perfect experience — all cuddles, giggles, and Instagram-worthy moments. But the truth? It’s also messy, exhausting, and full of emotions we didn’t expect. In this conversation with Dr. Margo Lowy, author of Maternal Ambivalence: The Loving Moments and Bitter Truths of Mothering, we dive deep into the complexity of mothering: the light, the dark, and everything in between.